Jim Gaffigan: December sucks
"It's the most wonderful time of the year…"
Is it? The "most wonderful"?
December? December is the most wonderful time of the year? That song is sung by Andy Williams. Did Andy Williams ever experience summer? A crisp autumn day? What about that one day of spring that doesn't feel like winter or summer?
You know what? I think Andy Williams was being sarcastic, and we're too dumb to have noticed.
Everyone knows December is difficult. December is stressful. It's cold, there's traffic … every day is filled with obligations.
And to add insult to injury, December is followed by January! Which is followed by February!
They should just rename December "Dreading January and February."
Are there going to be enough anti-depressants? I don't know …
We greet each other with "Happy Holidays" and "Merry Christmas," but to close friends we ask, "How's December treating you?" They respond, "Hey, it's December …"
The most wonderful time of the year?
Maybe it is the most wonderful time of the year … for children. Kids get presents and weeks off from school for absolutely no reason at all. Our joy is seeing our children happy. And as any parent will tell you, whatever is enjoyed by children is a form of punishment for parents: Water parks, birthday parties, kids' movies. Ugh! They are like mini-Decembers.
But unlike December, they end.
I don't know if you heard this: Congress and the President have come to a rare agreement
to add two more weeks to December. It's true, it's happening!
I'm joking! That would be frightening to have two more weeks of "the most wonderful time of the year."
Happy Holidays everyone!
For more info:
- jimgaffigan.com
- Follow @JimGaffigan on Twitter
- Jim Gaffigan's special, "Quality Time," is available on Amazon Prime
Story produced by Sara Kugel.
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- On what to do about America's overweight statistics
- On losing his appendix
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- On that topic Jim Gaffigan can't talk about