Billie Eilish on what she's found "liberating"
At the open of a Billie Eilish concert, a giant light box rises in the arena. "Spoiler alert! I'm in the cube, but you can't see me," she said. "I can literally see everybody so well from inside this box, but they have no idea I can see them. It feels like I'm wearing an invisibility cloak."
"That's a luxury you don't have most of the time," I said.
"That's true!" she laughed. "But it also makes me feel a little like I'm not real?"
Her whole career has been kind of unreal. Eilish, who turns 23 this month, has more than 100 million followers on Spotify, an ardent fan base that filled the United Center in Chicago.
A few hours before showtime, Eilish was scurrying around backstage, introducing us to her backup singers … her band … and taking us to a room full of rescue dogs, who offer stress relief. "Welcome to the puppy room!" she said. A couple have already been adopted.
She's filled her crew with friends (even the furry kind) because this tour is different. Since Eilish broke out at 14, her older brother, Finneas, has been her producer, songwriting partner and backing band. For the first time, she's on tour without him. "I've never done a show without my brother in my life," she said. "I mean, I've barely performed and sung without my brother, like, ever."
But they agreed it was time for her to go out on her own. Finneas told us, "I was built into the show for several years in an irreplaceable way. And I always kind of was trying to make myself replaceable."
Her mom, Maggie Baird, came to the Chicago show. But Eilish's parents also aren't touring with her anymore. "It does feel strange, yeah," Baird said. "But it also feels okay. And there's also a lot of jobs I used to do where I'm like, I'm happy I don't have to do that one anymore!"
"Honestly, she won't admit it, but I think it's been really nice for her that I've been gone," Billie laughed. "And that then she can come see me and it's not just, like, her whole life. I mean, I've been her whole life for, like, 23 years now."
"Pretty good life, though," I said.
"Yeah, a lot! But, yeah…"
Earlier this year, Eilish won her second Oscar for the "Barbie" theme, "What Was I Made For." She already has nine Grammys, and now another seven nominations. Among her nominations are record of the year and song of the year, for a song ("Birds of a Feather") that she almost didn't put on her album.
Billie and Finneas had struggled with the song. "We wrote, like, the first half and it was super-good," she said. "And then we overthought it for, like, months and months and months."
I asked, "When you sing it, do you hear all that you went through to create it?"
"Sometimes," she replied. "Sometimes when I listen to it, I hear certain parts that I'm like, 'Oh, that was such a nightmare! That was so punishing!'"
Watch Billie Eilish perform "Birds of a Feather":
Eilish admits that, until recently, she didn't think of herself so much as a songwriter. That has changed. "I did, like, way more writing on this album than anything ever," she said. "But this is the thing I'm trying to say: I've been writing music since I was 11. But because I wasn't as fast at it, or wasn't as good, as my brother, I kind of thought, 'Oh, I'm not a songwriter.'"
But when they sat down to write Billie's third album, "Hit Me Hard and Soft," Finneas felt uninspired.
"We'd get in the studio to write and I'd be, like, 'Can we go play pickleball?'" he said. "I think I just sort of had a little fatigue there."
Billie said they were in "different places," and that she felt alone. In the past, Finneas would help pull a lyric out of his sister. This time, she had to coax the words out of herself. "And then, in just being given that space, I'd come up with it," she said.
On the last chorus of "Birds of a Feather," Eilish reached for a note she wasn't sure she could hit. Her vocal bravery came after she started taking singing lessons.
I asked, "Have you found some part of yourself you didn't even know was there?"
"Yeah! Oh, yeah. I mean, my voice!" she laughed. "I can't express how gratifying, and satisfying, and fulfilling it has been to, like, learn these things about my own voice – that's in my body – that I didn't even know I was capable of. … It's so liberating."
Hear Billie Eilish's isolated vocal track for "Birds of a Feather":
For all we may think we know about Billie Eilish, the singer is just beginning to know herself.
I asked, "What's interesting to me is, you're talking now about two things: one is, you've discovered a part of your voice you didn't even know was there; and you've discovered you're more of a songwriter than you ever thought. Where does that leave you?"
"Great question," Eilish said. "We'll see. I don't know!"
Watch part two of Anthony Mason's discussion with Billie Eilish on "CBS Mornings" Tuesday, December 10.
You can stream the Billie Eilish album "Hit Me Hard and Soft" by clicking on the embed below (Free Spotify registration required to hear the tracks in full):
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Produced by Jon Carras and Rebecca Castagna. Editor: Lauren Barnello.