Family shares painful, personal story to help others struggling with mental health

ROSVILLE, Minn. -- A brave Minnesota family is opening up about something very painful and personal because they know talking about their loss could save others.

Brian Koland was one of the 777 Minnesotans to die by suicide last year. Take a moment and let that startling statistic sink in -- 777 people lost.

He was an elementary school principal and recent newlywed, and a lot of people loved him.

"Brian and I, we're twins. He continued to be my best friend, all the way until he died," Brad Koland said.

Kimberly and Brian married in May 2021, planning their lives together full of hopes and dreams for the future.

"He just loved people so deeply and really wanted to know more about how and why," Kimberly Koland said.

By the looks of things, his life was good. He worked in the Roseville Area Schools for nearly 30 years, principal at Emmett D. Williams and later at Edgerton Elementary School.

"When I went to school he knew every child's name, all 400 or so," Brad Koland said.

After the wedding, Brad and Brian went camping. He traveled with Kimberly to visit family in Costa Rica. And then came some warning signs: sleepless nights and significant weight loss.

"I think there was thoughts going through his head long before there was a manifestation of a problem. He was able to articulate on July 21-22 that he was struggling with suicide ideation," Kimberly Koland said.

The family efforted help for him. He had healthcare. He had support.

"It was tough to keep up where he was at. And he went to five facilities over a two-and-a-half month time period," Brad Koland said.

They say navigating the system proved to be challenging, waiting for space, starting over each time.

"I was beside myself with trying to figure out how is there consistency here and information get shared, and the family get heard through his process and it was incredibly taxing," Brad Koland said.

Brian Koland was an adult, but his wife felt his decision making was compromised.

"He was scared. He was deeply, deeply scared. There's a few things that grew in him during this time, the shame, the stigma, mental health and suicide," Kimberly Koland said.

Brian was in a facility in October of last year when he died by suicide while out on an unsupervised walk. They thought he was safe.

"I don't know what more we could have done," Brad Koland said.

"The pain is what he wanted to get rid of. The pain of shame, the pain of feeling like he let everyone down," Kimberly Koland said.

A year later, waves of sadness remain.

"I miss him every day, but the pain isn't quite as sharp," Brad Koland said.

"Every day I wake up, 'Oh yeah, oh yeah, he's gone,'" Kimberly Koland said.

They know there are other Brians out there, other families struggling to get their loved ones help. In talking about their journey, they hope they are helping.

"I think Brian has given us the gift of his story and we are the keepers," Kimberly Koland said.

"He educated people and community for a lifetime and even in his death there's a lesson in education," Brad Koland said.

Brian also leaves behind two kids.

If you or someone you know needs help, call 988. There you'll reach a trained crisis counselor that can help. The National Alliance on Mental Illness, or NAMI, also has resources online.