Parents offer guidance on what they've learned from crisis

Children's Hospital Colorado declared a mental health state of emergency nearly two years ago.

Their pediatric emergency departments have been overrun with children – some as young as ten years old -  attempting suicide or self-harm.

The hospital has recorded a 57% increase in mental health ER visits from 2019 to 2022.

As part of our Kids in Crisis reporting, we interviewed a group of parents stepping up to advise others on what they've learned from crisis and what you can do to keep your own children safe.  They are members of the Family Advisory Council for the Pediatric Mental Health Institute at Children's Hospital Colorado.

You are not alone.

"Knowing that you're not alone in this is really, really important," said parent Bill Mowle.

Knowing this is one of the most important messages to hear, when as a parent or guardian you feel despair.

A world spiraling downwards because your child is suffering, young shoulders unable to carry the weight of the world.

Meighen Lovelace, a parent who also serves on the Council said, "There's that light of hope in the darkness when it feels really scary."

Children thrive on stability. And lately our world has been anything but stable. 

How do you start a mental health conversation?

You can help by encouraging your kids to talk and not feel shame about feeling down or scared. 

Mental health conversations should happen early and often, according to Dr. Sarah Kennedy, a psychologist at Children's Hospital Colorado.

"It's really important for families to talk about mental health at home and not just wait until there is a problem to bring up the subject of mental health," Kennedy said.

How do you start a mental health conversation? Ask questions that are neither too broad or narrow, says Kennedy.

"This might sound something like, 'Hey I notice that you've been spending a lot less time with your friends lately. Do you agree? What do you think the reasons for that might be?' Starting with a question like that is a lot more likely to lead to productive conversations." 

Safety scale

Mowle adds, "What we've learned is 'looking on a scale, a scale from 1 to 10, how are you feeling, how safe are you? And knowing where you're at on that scale is very important and can help guide.'"

Develop a safety plan

As a family, work before a crisis happens to develop a safety plan. Council member Hope Hartman said, "When you're creating a safety plan, you talk about who are the trusted people. If it's an administrator or a teacher, a counselor at school.  If it's a coach, a music teacher, a friend an aunt. 'If you really started to feel unsafe or really, really upset, who could you go to if you weren't at home or if you didn't want to come to your parents or your guardians?'"

Look for cues. And trust that you know your child well, Hartman added, "Trust your gut. You have an intuition as a parent and if something feels off, try and communicate with your kid, try and get some resources."

Like all children, your child is unique. What works for another may not be the answer for your young one. That's ok.

"Remember you're the expert. It's ok to say this might not be right for us right now. But don't give up because there's something out there that's going to work for your family," said Lovelace.

"Stay calm, trust your gut find the resources, you're not alone," Hartman concluded.

A safety plan should be updated frequently together with your children. Every child and family can benefit from mental health advice and resources.

Find the right resources for your child

Children's Hospital Colorado has developed with guidance from these parents a suite of resources including articles, videos and more designed to fit what you might need for your child.

See:  Mental Health Resources for Parents | Children's Hospital Colorado (childrenscolorado.org)

More information on safety plans is available from the National Institute of Mental Health.

Read about the Family Advisory Council.

And for more of our special coverage of Kids in Crisis and to learn about the 'Connecting the Dots' documentary, click here.