Opinion: Marriage Therapy — No Shame for Jay Cutler, Or Me
By Jeremy Reed, Whistling While We Work
CHICAGO (CBS) — Recently Kristin Cavallari boasted that she attends couples therapy with her husband, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. The former MTV star says the sessions help them avoid the blame game and focus on important issues.
"I'm not ashamed to say that Jay and I consistently go to therapy, because it's been extremely beneficial for our relationship," she claims.
Though it's unlikely to make headlines, I too am not ashamed to say that therapy has been critical for my marriage, a marriage that turns 10 this month, by the way (hold your applause, please).
Like many couples, my wife and I have had our ups and downs. We've battled, laughed, argued, celebrated, cried, and even came close to calling the whole thing off.
You read that correctly. A couple years back, we were ready to call it quits. That's when we decided it was time for some outside assistance.
We found a therapist and haven't missed an appointment since. These 90-minute sessions allow us to find an easier path together.
We now think of these sessions as "life coaching." We've learned to empathize and properly react under various circumstances. Both my wife and I have furthered our careers, in part because of the skills we attained in therapy.
It's glorious to have a therapist explain to your wife that you're not a jerk. Or that you're not avoiding her when you take the kids to the movies all day on a Sunday.
Instead, through therapy, you get to explain that it was an act of love, intended to give her a quiet day to herself.
Men and women are different. Don't get me wrong, I know that we can't neatly fit all of humanity into two categories. But there are characteristics ingrained into who we are.
For example, men tend to seek tangible and specific tasks to accomplish and make them feel worthy. This factor has created countless issues for my wife and me. When she brings up ideas, plans, or anything that remotely sounds like a request, I leap into action when it's not what she wants at all.
Similarly, women tend to desire verbal and emotional discussions to process life's many challenges. In other words, my wife wants to talk about the issue, while I constantly try to fix it.
Most of the time, I discover it can't be fixed, no matter how hard I try. So from the start, we have a recipe for disaster.
Our sessions help bridge this gap. They replace moments of miscommunication and hurt feelings with understanding. Our issues are systematically broken down so that we can get on with our marriage.
These days, we may still occasionally yell and cry, but mostly we laugh as we break down the messy, frustrating, angry outer-shell of everyday issues.
I have no idea what's happening in Cavallari and Cutler's marriage, but I'm happy such a notable Chicago couple is preaching the powers of therapy. The word needs to get out. The stigma needs to be broken. Things can't get better unless you make the effort.