Bernstein: On Trophies In Youth Sports
By Dan Bernstein--
CBSChicago.com senior columnist
(CBS) Steelers linebacker James Harrison used Instagram to toss an inviting slab of red meat onto the open conversational table that is mid-August in sports. It was the perfect time to do it, done by the perfect person.
Here was a Tough Guy – even by already high NFL standards – grandstanding his parenting decision to return the participation trophies awarded to his boys from their sports camp, on the principle that they need to "EARN a real trophy."
This was predictably savory fodder for reactionaries, another chance to rail against the perceived softening of society and pine for better days when, presumably, children were raised merely by how many hardships they were forced to endure. Harrison's public stand checked every box for such atavistic desires, feeding whatever fears have come from age and widespread confusion.
Pushback came after that, but as always the more considered responses were drowned out by the pounding of fists and the chorus of Amens.
I can't make angry people feel much better if they think Harrison is some kind of culture warrior, fighting heroically to restore trials by fire that mold the steel of American youth, but I can offer my own observations from years of my kids' experiences competing.
– Kids know more than you think they do about this stuff. Never lose sight of that. They know if they have won or lost, how important a given game may have been, how well they did individually and the effort that they gave. By the time they get off the bus from day camp or to the car from the field, they have even talked it over with teammates, opponents and coaches. They know what happened and why, and they've probably have already moved on to thinking about something else.
– Trophies are mere symbols that mean what we want them to mean – or, more specifically, what your daughter or son wants it to mean. There's nothing wrong with keeping the bar set highly for a competitive child, but the reward is the success itself and not the proxy for that success embodied by a chunk of shiny, Chinese plastic.
– Your children (and mine) aren't going to be professional athletes, nor are they likely to receive collegiate scholarships from sports. They're doing this because primarily because they enjoy it, and the experience affords us opportunities as parents to reinforce positive behaviors and correct negative ones.
– There can be value in a memento beyond and beside its connection to achievement level. My son's first hockey team was a Mites group that went winless, often lopsidedly so. The end-of-year plaque he received at the party at the coach's house is still on his wall, however, due to the fond memories associated with a great group of kids and parents, as well as coaches who helped instill an understanding and appreciation of the game that had everyone back enthusiastically for the next year.
– Trophies aren't absolute and can instead evoke more complicated emotions. As was so well illustrated in the recent Disney/Pixar movie "Inside Out," memories are more than static snapshots – they're living things that can change over time with perspective and also connect to more than just outcomes. I looked at one of my son's trophies recently and remembered fondly how his fall baseball team made it to the championship game, and he said, "That was the day I got hit in the mouth by a ball during infield practice, remember? My tooth got loose and I had to eat only soft food for a week. I pitched well, though."
– As awards go, T-shirts are better than trophies anyway. They have an actual use, allow any pride in the accomplishment to be worn literally and are probably outgrown at the appropriate time for the memory to have been supplanted nicely by something even better or now more meaningful. At a baseball tournament this summer, the kids saw that the runners-up would get a commemorative shirt, while the winners stood to receive garish trophies: a cartoonishly muscular slugger finishing his swing, steroided arms bulging from his sleeves. They wanted to win, but at least one kid much preferred the shirt.
– Perhaps most importantly, the lasting lessons from youth sports that are most likely to matter to our kids have nothing to do with titles or even victories. They're learning to fail and how to respond to disappointment constructively. They're sharing credit and blame as they understand team responsibilities. They're socializing in dugouts and locker rooms with both peers and adults, often amid charged emotions. They make and keep a commitment to a team, learning what that entails.
In these respects, it really is about the participation.
Trophies are essentially worthless. Youth sports are not.
Dan Bernstein is a co-host of 670 The Score's "Boers and Bernstein Show" in afternoon drive. Follow him on Twitter @dan_bernstein and read more of his columns here.