"Really scary to share with the world": Domestic violence experts reflect on Milan Lucic arrest
BOSTON - When police responded to a call over the weekend from Bruins' forward Milan Lucic's wife, they say she claimed on the phone he had tried to choke her – but when police arrived and saw red marks on her neck, she denied the physical assault, saying he had just pulled her by the hair.
"It's very, very common," said Jen Bolton, the Director of Prevention and Education at DOVE domestic violence services in Quincy. "It's really, really scary to share with the world everything that is happening."
Experts tell WBZ it's common for domestic violence victims to scale back their stories when police get involved.
"Privacy, humiliation, all of those things come in to play when you start realizing that I'm going to have to share all these private details with the public," Bolton explained.
"The gravity of telling someone starts to weigh on [a victim], and then the easy solution is to say, 'no, actually, it didn't happen,'" explained Casa Myrna CEO Stephanie Brown. "It is very common for people to sort of go back and forth between: Is this domestic violence? Is this abuse? No, it isn't. It was a onetime thing. He was drunk, I mean, you know, we all make excuses for people's behavior around this."
Plus, the reality of living a very public life can impact one's ability to come forward. "It's humiliating for survivors, because there's not a lot of public support for survivors, especially in a case like this," Brown said. "He's so well known. He's a hometown hero. That it's really just the pressure on her at this moment. I can't even fathom what that's like for her."
These situations are obviously nuanced, and experts say the intimacy of the relationship often means court cases don't last long and get dropped. "They don't want the person that they love arrested," Brown said. "They don't want the parent of their children put away."
"They don't necessarily want the relationship to end. They just want the abuse to stop," Bolton added. "And so, it can be really scary to share a lot of those intimate details."
Domestic violence advocates stress that resources are available for potential victims, family members, or even someone who is concerned they themselves might be abusive.
SAFELINK, the 24/7 hotline for victims: 1-877-785-2020
A Call For Change: 1-877-898-3411