Advice Columnist: Keep Mother's Day To Yourself
BOSTON (CBS) - Mother's Day is a day when we're supposed to honor the moms in our lives and thank them for all they do for us. But it seems the holiday is causing some moms big time stress.
The average American spends almost $170 on Mother's Day gifts. But is that what she, or you, really wants?
"It really can be a very traumatic day for a lot of people," says Robin Abrahams of Boston Globe Magazine.
Mother's Day? Traumatic?
Abrahams is a research psychologist and author who writes the "Miss Conduct" etiquette advice column for the Boston Globe Magazine.
"A lot of people, they had terrible moms, or they had a great mom but now she's dead or sick, or they're trying to be a mom themselves and they're struggling with that. And so one of my number one etiquette things for Mother's Day is really keep it to yourself," Abrahams says.
Another Mother's Day stress factor is the pressure some feel to spend big bucks on a gift or an outing for mom, which Abrahams suggests she may not even want.
"The one thing your mother wants is for you is to not ever have to move back into her basement, so keep that in mind," Abrahams says. "If it's a question between do I pay off my student loans or take mom to the $60 Prix Fixe brunch, pay off your student loans."
She advises moms to let their kids know what she expects, and don't let habit interfere with family harmony.
"Don't get wrapped up in well, its tradition, that's how we always do it," she says. "Maybe there are going to be years where you want to go out for the fancy brunch and then there are years where we simply want to stay home and have a picnic. Don't let tradition trap you."
And she has good news for mothers torn between what they want and what their own mother wants.
"It's the person who has kids in the house who gets first priority. If you're a veteran mom, an empty-nester, you're not the one with the crazy schedule," Abrahams says.
Research shows nearly 40 percent of moms would rather receive something homemade than a card, gift or dinner out. In that spirit, Abrahams has a suggestion - perhaps Mother's and Father's Day could evolve into a day of giving back to the next generation, which is really what parenthood is all about.