Breast cancer mommy: Brave, beautiful...and bald
(CBS) They say beauty is only skin deep, and I agree. But it's been more than a year since I shaved my head as I entered chemotherapy for breast cancer, and I still miss my hair.
I had always thought it was dirty-blond, but I've stopped highlighting the few inches that have grown back in, and it's shocking to see how dark it really is. I've dyed it a couple times, but mostly I just look at old photos of myself and remember who I was and what I looked like.
SLIDE SHOW: Bald is Beautiful -what cancer patients say about losing their hair
I'll never forget the last shower before I shaved my head. My parents and husband had just left my apartment, and my two-year-old daughter, Niomi, had just been taken to a friend's house. I had just started chemotherapy, and I knew I didn't want my hair to fall out in clumps. That might scare Niomi. I was going to lose my hair on my own terms, even though I knew deep down that nothing would ever be the same.
As the warm water streamed over my head, tears were streaming down my face. I squeezed the shampoo in my hands and started washing my hair. I kept rubbing my scalp as more bubbles foamed up. I couldn't seem to stop. Finally, I plopped down on the floor and cried like never before. I was still howling when I stood up and finished my shower. Why me? I was only 36. Please don't do this to me!
I knew all the crying couldn't keep me from losing my hair, as I had to take chemotherapy if I wanted to live. So I shaved my hair and have rocked my baldness ever since - with no regrets.
I do miss the old me with the long, blond hair. But I still have the same face, and it's still me inside. I truly believe that bald is beautiful. It's something I think about each time I
walk into the hospital and see someone who has lost his or her hair to
cancer. They are brave, and they are beautiful.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Meredith Israel, 37, was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in June, 2009. She says she's in the fight of her life, determined to prevail for the sake of her family, including her 3-year-old daughter, Niomi, and her husband, Gary. Meredith found her breast cancer through self-examination and a mammogram. Since being diagnosed, she has raised more than $100,000 for breast cancer research and has been a vocal proponent of self-exams and early detection.